Attack of the Clones
by Citizenjess
Summary: Charles, Erik and company have to deal with the sudden influx of Charleses and Eriks from other universes and time periods at the mansion. Set during "First Class." Total, unabashed crack.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Charles, Erik and company have to deal with the sudden influx of Charleses and Eriks from other universes and time periods at the mansion. Set during "First Class." Total, unabashed crack. Title is shamelessly ripped off from "Star Wars." I made patientalien read this and assure me it was funny, and she was like, yeah, it's all right, so we're good to go, I think.

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><p><strong>Attack of the Clones<strong>

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><p>It started on an otherwise innocuous afternoon at the Xavier mansion. Training had been accomplished early in the day, and now, in the late afternoon, everyone had lapsed into their own separate activities, a calm settled over the immediate area. That is, until –<p>

"Professor?" It was Hank, and Charles looked up from the mounds of paperwork he was currently engrossed in. Across the room, splayed across Charles' love seat, his feet hanging off of the edge, a dog-eared copy of _The Once and Future King_ propped open in one hand, Erik looked up, as well. Hank, for his part, looked a tad nervous. "I think there's something you need to attend to, sir. Downstairs, at the front door."

"What is it?" Charles asked, his curiosity piqued. However, Hank refused to say anything more, simply leading the way towards the foyer, Charles and a suddenly alert Erik on his heels.

The commotion was already in full-swing by the time they arrived. "Come on, he's dressed like Superman, don't you think?" Sean was crowing. "Except those aren't the right colors, man."

"I am NOT Superman." The retort was spoken in a deep baritone, and Charles blinked, trying to place it and failing. Also in the room were Raven and Alex, the latter appearing to be on the defensive and ready to shoot off one of his incredibly destructive energy blasts and probably take out an entire wing of Charles' house while he was at it. Once the crowd of excited mutant teenagers had cleared a path for him, Charles stepped forward, glanced at the alleged Superman knock-off … and gasped.

"E-Erik?"

The red-and-purple-clad figure turned fully to face him. "Charles," he breathed after a moment, his face stricken in awe. Next to him, the real Erik – the other Erik, Charles mentally corrected himself – glared suspiciously at the intruder. As he continued to gawk, Charles realized with growing fascination that, in fact, aside from age – this other man was at least twice the Erik he knew's senior – the two men had the same facial features and build.

As both Eriks continued to stare at one another in shock, Sean once again piped up. "Why are you wearing that dorky helmet?" he asked the elder Erik, and Charles sighed heavily as everything dissolved into chaos anew.

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><p>"Well, it's definitely Erik Lehnsherr," Hank announced, waving a couple of DNA samples in the air, his voice rather excited. "They're identical in pretty much every way that counts. This Erik" – at this, he pointed at the older of the pair, now perched side-by-side in Charles' sitting room – "is about three decades older, though."<p>

"No shit," Charles heard the older Erik murmur. Next to him, the younger Erik smirked, apparently impressed that, in fact, his annoyance at Hank McCoy had never fully dissolved. "I did not come here to debate my identity," the older Erik announced. "I was well aware of who I was when I was transported back in time against my will."

"How?" Charles asked, not missing the way the older Erik's eyes kept raking over him appreciatively, nor minding it, either.

At this, the other man frowned ruefully. "We had an … altercation," he settled on, choosing his words carefully. "We disagreed on a vital aspect of our fight for mutant rights, and in retaliation, she sent me here. I'm not sure she intended it to be so fortuitous a visit," he added, "but it was simple enough to seek out the mansion."

Charles' eyes are bright; a bit suspiciously so, the younger Erik thinks. "Of course. We'll try to be of assistance in any way that we can, er, Erik."

The older man smiled. "You can call me 'Magnus.'"

Charles grinned widely. "All right, then, Magnus. You'll need a room, of course, for the duration of your stay. If you'll come with me, I'm sure we can find something suitable." He turned to leave and Magnus traipsed after him, walking just a little too close for the younger Erik's comfort. "I don't know if I trust that guy," he muttered once Magnus and Charles were out of earshot.

Alex outright snorted at this. "That's not a good sign, then, is it?" he chortled, and Erik resisted the urge to float the refrigerator over and drop it on the other boy's head.

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><p>Charles and Magnus were in the midst of an inordinately lengthy bed-making session when Raven pounded on the door, her transformed face flushed. "There's more," she gasped out, and Charles and Magnus jumped apart somewhat guiltily. "There's … just come see."<p>

Another incarnation of Erik seemed to have arrived, this one with long, long white hair and wearing a rather strange suit with an "X" symbol embroidered on the arm. "He says his name is Joseph," Hank offered, "but again, same DNA as Erik."

Soon enough, more Eriks followed: One, roughly the same age as Magnus, wore a mustache and a checkered shirt. "If only," Magnus snorted in disdain, but this Erik simply stared at him placidly. A short while later, Charles pulled open the front door after someone rapped at it briefly and let out a small scream, having come face-to-face with … himself. "Oh my … terribly sorry," he bit out, and then squinted. "Ah, you're … in a wheelchair," he finished awkwardly.

"It's a long story," the older Charles shrugged. Later, another Charles showed up, somewhat younger than Magnus, and dressed as though he spent a lot of time swinging from jungle vines. "Oh, Magnus and I know each other well," he commented after what had become a rote round of questioning about everyone's origins. "We met in India while he was volunteering at a hospital during the war."

The youngest Charles' brow furrowed. "I'm afraid you're mistaken," he said politely. "Erik and I met while he was trying to lift a nuclear submarine from the ocean. It nearly killed him. I saved his life, and we've been working together ever since." He ignored Erik's vaguely uncomfortable shuffling at this.

The influx petered off after an hour or so. Hank, up to his neck in DNA samples that he was now labeling with tiny pieces of scotch tape and a magic marker, sighed, his voice frazzled. "I'm not sure when or how we'll be able to get them all back to their correct time periods and universes," he said honestly. "I don't know if we're working with a rip in the time-space continuum or what."

Charles, who had been fingering Joseph's long, shiny mane, waved his hand absently. "Of course, Hank. Take your time." He stared around at the collection of Eriks and gestured towards the hallway leading to the house's collection of bedroom suites. "If you'll all follow me," he smiled, "I'll help you get settled in." When he and the elder, handicapped Charles made eye contact, he shifted a bit uncomfortably. "I'll, ah, see about getting you something on the ground floor," he said quickly, and then hurried off, a crowd of Eriks in his wake.

Left behind, the younger Erik eyed the elder Charles. "So you lose your legs, huh?" he asked, arms crossed protectively over his chest.

Charles just smiled placidly at him. "Yes; and you lose your mind," he added.

Erik considered this and nodded. "Sounds about right," he muttered.

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><p>By the next morning, all of the clones had dispersed as quickly and mysteriously as they'd arrived. Hank, previously intrigued by figuring out how they'd all gotten there, heard the news and announced blandly at breakfast that he had "other things to do," and then tossed the DNA samples he'd collected in the trash. As Raven came downstairs to the breakfast table, she noticed the original Charles, unsuccessfully trying to cover up a bevy of newly-formed hickeys with his high-collar shirt, and glared.<p>

"Just how many of those Erik clones did you end up sleeping with, Charles?"

"Most of them," Charles replied blandly, not even looking up from his newspaper.

"Ugh," Raven replied. In truth, she had been miffed that, of all of them, only Joseph had bothered to say much to her, and even then, it was only because Charles had sent him downstairs to fetch more alcohol for what, judging by the noise she'd been hearing overhead, had to be preparation for round four. Now, she glanced at the original Erik, who was drinking a cup of black coffee. "I suppose you were part of the festivities, too?" she frowned at him.

Erik shrugged. "We may have all taken some, uh, measurements. It was for research," he offered. "You know how it is."

"Uh-huh." Raven walked around the table and swiped a piece of untouched toast from Charles' plate. "I'll be around, pretending that I could walk around naked and someone might actually give me the time of day," she muttered, though neither Charles nor Erik were paying attention. "Later, jerks" she added, and stalked off.

After several minutes of pleasant enough silence, Charles looked over the top of his paper at Erik. "Raven's been awfully concerned with her looks lately," he noted. "Do you think she's sick or something?"

"Maybe," Erik shrugged, and thanked Charles when the other man handed him the funny pages.


	2. Attack of the Clones 2: Extended Edition

So this one's just a take-off of my "Attack of the Clones" 'fic where all of the Eriks and Charleses from other universes stop by. An orgy obviously ensues, and ... yeah, here it is. Rated M.

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><p>There's an instant attraction between Charles and Magnus, and as Charles feels Magnus' eyes drink him in, he lets himself give over to it. "So beautiful," Magnus murmurs, running a hand along Charles' cheek, making him sigh a little. "You've always been so beautiful, Charles."<p>

They're in the midst of a lengthy make-out session, and Magnus has Charles tugged up against the wall, one hand under his rump and Charles' legs straddling his waist, when they both hear it: "Kinky," Erik says, smirking his way into the room, shutting the door behind himself. Charles flushes a bit, but Magnus just grins.

"I was just telling Charles how lovely he is." He begins kissing up the column of Charles' throat, and the young man's head falls back, his eyes narrowing into slivers, his gaze trained on Erik, whose face shows his growing arousal. "We can share him tonight," Magnus continues; he nips at Charles' Adam's apple, and Charles moans. "Join us."

Erik acquiesces by beginning to strip off of his clothes, first his shirt, and then toeing off shoes and socks and stepping out of his pants. He makes his way over to where Magnus is now letting Charles stand on his own feet. "Kiss," Magnus commands them both softly. "I want to see what we look like."

Charles glances up at Erik, and the taller man takes the lead, tilting Charles' head and running his tongue along Charles' lips, then crushing their mouths together. Charles moans and grips at the back of Erik's head, at his bare shoulders, and Erik gives back as good as he gets, stepping back only to help divest Charles of his clothing. Once nude, Charles shivers a bit, knowing how he must look to the two (also naked) beautiful men before him, wondering how they could possibly want him, too.

"Oh, but we do," Magnus tells him, and Charles frowns, chiding himself for projecting so loudly; and then Erik moves behind him, pressing fierce kisses into his neck, and Magnus moves in front of him and starts rubbing their cocks together, eventually taking them both in one hand and stroking them both off, and he forgets to be angry with himself.

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><p>Charles finds himself fascinated with Joseph, particularly with his hair. He runs his hands through it, lets the long silvery strands fall through his fingers, and Joseph watches him pliably, propped up on his elbows, a small smile gracing his lips. "It's odd, when I know you later on, you're very reticent to show your feelings around me," he comments at one point. "You always seem like you're holding back. You seem sad."<p>

Magnus eyes them both with concern. "Perhaps it would be wise not to discuss our precise histories with one another," he suggests. "It could have unforseen consequences. For now, might we just enjoy one another's company?"

"I agree," the elder Charles says, perched on a bed beside Erik, who had seemed excited to carry him upstairs where the festivities were already taking place. Erik glances at him with a mixture of respect and awe. "It's best this way."

At some point, Erik gets the great idea to see the elder and younger Charleses kiss. It's a bit odd, the young Charles thinks, but then, this whole situation is beyond strange. He straddles his counterpart carefully, still a bit concerned and confused about why his future self might be handicapped. The elder Charles is patient, and Charles allows his face to be propped atop the other man's fingers. Their kiss is slight at first, and then increasingly exploratory, and when the elder Charles' tongue rubs against his teeth, he parts them, and it slips inside of his mouth.

"Jesus, that's hot," he hears Erik whisper, and smiles against the other Charles' lips.

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><p>At some point, Joseph half-volunteersis half-ordered to go downstairs to fetch them all drinks, though he agrees good-naturedly. He's stockpiling beverages on the counter next to the refrigerator when he hears an annoyed, short cough. "Oh, hello," he blinks, eyeing the scaled, blue form before him. "Let's see ... you're Raven, right?"

"Mystique," the blue girl corrects him hotly. She eyes the bottles of wine that he's chosen critically. "Having fun?" she asks sardonically. Before Joseph can answer, she adds, "I wouldn't know, you see. I wasn't invited."

"Oh," Joseph blinks, and then shrugs. "Well, would you like to come back with me? That's an invitation, I believe." Raven - Mystique - smiles and helps him pick out booze that she knows the Charleses will like.

Before she enters the room, Raven disguises herself as yet another Charles, mimicking the form and the gait perfectly. When several pairs of similar eyes turn to her, she speaks in her brother's light lilt: "I'm another Charles," she notes aloud. "Hank's already taken my DNA."

"No he hasn't, Raven," the youngest Charles says, rolling his eyes a bit. Annoyed, Raven begins to pivot on her heel, but Erik stops her.

"Wait ... come over here and suck his dick," Erik says, nodding at the eldest Charles. Raven shrugs and complies.

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><p>When the clones begin to disappear, they've already been collectively sated, the glut of men in the room (Raven having left some time ago) stretched out across various surfaces, staring up at the ceiling. Magnus is the last to go and, sensing that time is short, makes a point of pressing a kiss to Charles' hand. "We'll meet again, Charles," he murmurs, his head still bowed.<p>

Alone and together anew, Charles lays in the crook of Erik's arm, listening to the other man's heartbeat. "So what did the other children get up to this evening?" Erik asks him idly.

Charles ticks answers off of his fingers. "Sean and Alex have a 'secret' pot stash; Hank jerked off once and went to bed early; and I'm pretty sure Raven's still watching TV."

"Sounds about right," Erik smirks, and leans down to kiss the other man's forehead.


End file.
